QotD: I Don't Mean To Brag, But...

Do you have an unusual talent that you are ridiculously proud of? If so, what is it, and why the smug look on your face?

Submitted by mo. (Source)

While I won't say that I am "ridiculously proud" of my "unusual" talent, I will say that it actually does come in handy every once in a while. So, what's this "unusual" talent, you ask? Well, I can remember anyone's birthday after being told once and only once. I don't even have to be in the presence of that person or actually know the person.

Tell me some one's name and their birthday, and ask me at some point in the future when so-and-so's birthday is, and I'll spout it off without even blinking an eye. I have no idea why I have this ability. Sure, it may seem like I have an excellent memory, but this is the only piece of data that I am able to recall so easily and without hesitation.

Ok, so maybe that isn't entirely true. I do seem to have a strange ability to store and recall strings of numbers other than birthdates. Not letters. Not phrases. Numbers. This was useful when I worked at a grocery store and had to memorize produce codes and various UPCs for large products. I still remember the code for a 24-pack of Pepsi: 1200000017. Grapes: 4023. Celery: 4070.

I think I need to get an external hard drive for my brain to back up all of this useless data and make room for newer, more important information … like remembering to take my medication on time and to breathe.

Say No to Voccio

I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank every one who emailed or called about Friday's post. I loved reading what you had to say about this particular candidate and listening to your calls, and I encourage you to relay that information to him personally.

I can now say that I personally created a "viral" email message. It went through the city of Johnstown in a matter of hours, and I have the web stats to back it up. Thank you to everyone who passed along my message and forwarded my letter to Pee Wee to your friends and families.

I created the button included in this post using artwork from peewee.com

Toilet Paper

Since I don't really have any ideas about what to talk about today, I am going to take this opportunity to discuss bathroom etiquette in the workplace. More specifically, I am going to talk about women's bathroom etiquette in the workplace. Mind you, the incidents that I am talking about — and maybe you've witnessed these things where you work, too — took place at my former workplace, not the present.

Proper Workplace Bathroom Etiquette for Women

1. Ladies, I realize that we usually have longer hair on our heads than men. However, I do not understand how this hair ends up on the toilet seat, in the toilet bowl, and on the toilet's handle. Other hairs … maybe. Hairs from the head? What the hell are you doing in there? Head stands? Swirlies?


2. Ladies, I realize that work is not your home no matter how many hours a day you spend there. I realize that some of you think that it is not your job to replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty; you think it's maintenance's job. Wrong. If you waited for maintenance to replace the empty toilet paper roll at home, you would be waiting a very long time. You better get some snacks.


3. Ladies, I realize that some of us do recognize the importance of replacing an empty toilet paper roll. Do note that I said REPLACE. Pulling the replacement roll out of the cupboard in the bathroom and placing it on top of the empty roll does not count. Most office bathrooms do not have locked toilet paper dispensers; you can, indeed, remove the empty roll and, *gasp*, replace it with a new roll.


4. Ladies, I realize that if there are three sheets of toilet paper left on the roll, the roll is not empty. However, for all intents and purposes, it is empty. What is the point of leaving THREE sheets of toilet paper on the roll? Use it and replace the roll, or take two minutes to replace the nearly empty roll with a new one and place the nearly empty roll back on top. Problem solved.


5. Ladies, I realize that a lot of us don't like to admit that we poop. Men don't like to even acknowledge that women poop. World, women poop. On that note, I would like to let the world know that while many may think that men have more disgusting bathroom habits than women, I beg to differ. There were many days when I would enter the women's bathroom at work only to find that someone had a) not flushed (or had not flushed completely) or b) not cleaned the bowl. Ladies, when there is one toilet for all the women in your office, please take a moment or two to clean up after yourself. Our bathroom at my last workplace had a toilet bowl brush under the sink and toilet bowl cleaner in the cupboard. Do you think anyone cleaned up their poo? Of course not.
   

You know the saying that goes "treat others like you would like to be treated"? I say, treat your workplace bathroom like your bathroom at home. Or, at least, treat it like the cleanest, nicest bathroom you have ever been in.

Hillary!

CNN has projected that Senator Hillary Clinton has won New Hampshire's Democratic primary.

John Edwards needs smacked — or, at least, publicly embarrassed — for his comments following Hillary's emotional episode yesterday. OK, so Hillary Clinton cried. On television. Big deal.

"I think what we need in a commander-in-chief is strength and resolve, and presidential campaigns are tough business, but being president of the United States is also tough business." — John Edwards (Source)

So, tears make you less strong and have less resolve? I think not. While, I feel that becoming this emotional in public is a little rare for political candidates, I do not think that it indicates weakness. At this point in time, I think the male candidates will do anything to portray Hillary's gender in as negative a light as possible. She's a woman, of course she cries. Women are the weaker sex. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Hillary cried. Big. Freaking. Deal. I'm not a big crier, but given certain conditions, including levels of frustration, exhaustion, and even emotional involvement in the current situation, I cry. It happens. IT ALSO HAPPENS TO MEN. However, based on our culture, it is considered unacceptable for men to cry in public, or even in private. Who knows who decided that was the norm … I've studied the different communication styles of the different genders (note that I said gender, not sex). Every study about American culture gives the same norms: men should act tough and in control; women should be kind and compassionate. It's 2008, not 1508. I think it's time to realize that it's OK for men to cry and for women to be leaders. It's also time to realize that just because someone acts tough, it doesn't mean they are tough. And just because someone cries, it doesn't make them weak.

While I am not completely sure who my candidate of choice is, my front runner is Hillary. Yesterday's events have even pushed her a little further ahead of Barack in my mind. She has shown that she is so passionate about what she is doing and that she really cares about this country's future. Some may say it is all an act, a plea to gain the New Hampshire votes, but I saw the same clip you saw. She cares.

"This is very personal for me, it's not just political, it's [that] I see what's happening, we have to reverse it." — Hillary Clinton (Source)

I'll Make an Excellent Parent, No?

I can tell that I am going to make an awesome parent. Super awesome.

I fell asleep while watching television at Ryan's tonight, and woke up to a loud bang, followed by a stream of obscenities, then "There's blood everywhere!" Half asleep, I asked what was wrong. Slightly dazed and confused, I stayed where I was, trying to wake up, as his mom came downstairs.

Ryan continued to lay on the floor as I listened to what was going on. Then I heard him mention that his toenail was gone, and that was it for me. I was staying put. Apparently, he caught his toe on a speaker as he went to walk through a doorway, and managed to do some damage.

At the mere mention of blood, I was nauseous. Then he had to keep talking about losing three quarters of a toenail. Ew.

When I have children, they will need to be wrapped in bubble wrap and not allowed to move. I can deal with poop and vomit, but I'll pass on the blood.

Zero Zero

2008
Originally uploaded by mayotic

It is my goal for next New Year's Eve to procure a pair of 2009 glasses. I don't ask for much, and it doesn't take much to amuse me.

I am posting this after telling Ryan yesterday that there are only two more years left to get these. I said this and sat for a minute before I said, "No, wait. One year. One." I am so smart.

Wow. 2008. 2009. I am getting old. *Sigh*

6/365

WARNING: Jaemie Is Not Suitable for Minors

Remember my post from yesterday? Well, surprisingly (or not surprisingly) enough, I got a response at 5:46 AM this morning.

Chris seemed to have "appreciated" my post and even forwarded it along to my former Tribune co-workers who "may" remember me. Cool beans, right? Someone must have Googled himself or someone knows how to check his web stats.

Anywho, Pee Wee has deemed me NOT SUITABLE FOR MINORS. I am so proud. Seriously.

Just Say No

Artwork from peewee.com

When he served as publisher of The Tribune-Democrat, Chris Voccio made it clear he was no fan of governmental regulation.

Now, the Upper Yoder Township resident wants to become a lawmaker for the state House of Representatives in the 72nd Legislative District.

Oh brother …

No way. Not ever.

Dear Voccio Pee Wee⁽¹⁾:

There is no way in hell I would ever vote for you. EVER. You are the most condescending, snobby, arrogant, sexist, chauvinistic person that I have every encountered in my entire life. I'd rather have George W. Bush as my state Senator Legislator, honestly. At least he gives the appearance of respecting women and those less fortunate. In actuality, he may not, but at least he puts on a good show. You, on the other hand are something else.

I remember the first day I started working for you, and I thought you were nice. It was surprising that you cared enough to know my name and say "Hello, Jaemie" every time you saw me in the Tribune building.

Reality check.

You are not nice. I don't know if you even have an ounce of respect for anyone here in Johnstown. The entire time I worked for you at the Tribune, all you ever talked about was Texas and Greenville. This is Johnstown, buddy. If you're going to be a Johnstowner, lose the back story and eat a Coney dog⁽²⁾ for good measure. Johnstown is Johnstown, not Greenville. Not Texas. Not Rhode Island.

You said:

I believe that an economy with low taxes and limited regulation will thrive, while high tax, high regulation states like Pennsylvania will suffer. We must foster job creation by giving job creators reasons to do business in Pennsylvania and making it easy, not difficult, to conduct commerce here.

Bullshit. Yes, Mother, I said bullshit. The entire time I spent at the Tribune was spent fully expecting my position to be eliminated. While I was there, several people were "let go," reasons unknown. Sure, you babbled something about performance or not bringing in enough money. That is a load of crap. Smelly, smelly crap. You were just thinking about what kind of profits you could make if you eliminated a position or two just to impress the bigwigs down in Alabama. (You can tell Alabama Blue Cross Blue Shield that they can shove their health "insurance" where the sun doesn't shine. I'm lucky that I wasn't diagnosed with cancer while I was working for you — I'd be dead by now. Instead, I am still paying for a biopsy that I had 16 months ago because they can't figure out how to send one bill and/or actually cover necessary procedures.)

Remember that time in summer 2006 when all of our employees were afraid to return from vacation? Why, you ask? Because you kept firing people when they returned. What did you think they were going to do? Thank you for letting them take a paid vacation, shake your hand, and walk out the door? Yeah, right.

Remember when I got promoted to Marketing Manager, you wouldn't acknowledge my presence? Apparently I became a moron when I got PROMOTED. You could only talk to me through other people. Did we suddenly revert back to fifth graders?

Remember that time when you hired me to do the Johnstown Magazine website for you as a freelance project? Remember? It was cool until you told me to eliminate ALL OF THE WHITE SPACE. Forgive me for not acknowledging your super graphic and web design skills skillz. How could I have been so stupid? I don't know. You thanked me for my hard work and excellent design (until you relieved me of my site maintenance duties) by later asking me if I could give you the contact information for a guy I graduated high school with so that he could help you with a "web project." Not that I would have helped you with it anyway — why would I make two conservative Republican websites? That's totally against my principles.

That was a bad networking move, Pee Wee. Perhaps some day you'll need my expertise or assistance for something, and, you know what, you will never get it. Burn those bridges, my friend. Burn those bridges. You can join my other favorite ex-boss, and she can help you with that. A-S-S-H-O-L-E-S. Say it with me now kids …

Yeah, perhaps these are poor reasons not to want to vote for you. Perhaps. But, in all seriousness, I will never vote for you because of your character. You lack the personability and compassion that my DEMOCRAT self prefers to see in candidates. As much as you proclaim to want to diminish the role of government, I beg to differ. I have seen you in action in big business, and, honestly, you suck. You're all about the money, and I would bet dollars to yeast-free donuts that you'd be the first one to vote yourself a pay raise if the opportunity presented itself.

So, in closing, I leave you with one positive comment. Thank you for leaving religion out of your campaign website (thus far). I'll give you one rusty iron star for that one. I doubt, however, that this conscious omission will be your saving grace. (Your lovely "conservative publication" with it's whopping 75 subscribers tells another story though.)

Sincerely,
The girl voting for anyone but you

P.S. Remember that time when you wanted to rename The Tribune-Democrat so that it didn't have the word Democrat in it? That turned out well, didn't it?

⁽¹⁾ On my first day of work at the newspaper, I decided Voccio looked exactly like Pee Wee Herman. He even had on a grey suit and red tie — except he was wearing cowboy boots. See for yourself.

⁽²⁾ This is a Johnstown tradition. I, however, think Coney dogs are gross.

One Missed Call

Please make it stop. Please.

On New Year's Eve, I swear that Ryan and I saw this on television about twelve times in an hour.

And now this Final Destination ripoff is keeping children up at night.

I'm begging you. Please remove this advertisement now. Every time I hear that ring, I just want to throw something at the television.

A List of Sorts

I'm not one for making resolutions for the new year — why start the year off with such daunting tasks ahead of you? I haven't really made a resolution or goal for the year, well, in years.

This year, however, I have decided to set a few goals. Some are private, and, maybe, perhaps, I'll share them later on in the year. The others are nothing special; just a few things that would make me happy.

• Read more books. I don't think I actually read a book the whole way through last year. Shame on me.


• Create more art, photographs, writing … I have been slacking in the (personal) creativity department for way too long.


• Learn more about my allergies. At the moment, it seems like I am allergic to the world. Before, I just had to worry about pollen, dust, and mold. Now most of the food I ingest causes some sort of reaction. This has got to stop. Seriously.
  

I think that is a good start for the year. I shall start by rereading the first Harry Potter and working my way through the end of the series. I know the rest of the world has finished the seventh book, but I haven't even read the fifth one! Don't worry, I'll read some "grown up" books, too. I have an entire collection of yeast-free, wheat-free, gluten-free books to sift through.

Oh-Eight

I'm sitting here, well, technically I'm lying — or is it laying? I'll never fully grasp that grammatical concept. Anyway, my cat has decided that my chest is a convenient place to take a nap, and I'm forced to crane my neck to see around and above her to type this post. Why not make her move? She's cute. And old. And very, very bossy. I just watched The Biggest Loser while eating two hot dogs. But I was drinking a diet Sierra Mist, so I think that cancels out the hot dogs, right? Right.

Good-bye 2007, hello 2008.

So, what happened in 2007 that was significant?

January: I had a job interview at the local community college, and was hired as their marketing director. I was offered the job at the best time possible — just in time to cause a little bit of panic in my bosses at the newspaper where I was working. I was the only one that knew all the little details of two of the events we were holding in January, and they knew that I could walk out the door at any moment. (Don't get me wrong, I didn't do EVERYTHING myself -- I just did a lot of the planning and had all the intricate details stored in my brain. People, did you ever hear of not putting all of your eggs in one basket?) That was nice considering my extremely crappy pay. I, of course, stayed and managed to throw both the Women's Showcase and the Bridal Showcase. I, of course, got to hear every complaint about everything that did not go well. I even managed to throw together the Women's Showcase even after some odd, unknown illness spiked my blood pressure super high, causing me to have an emergency visit with my doctor. She sent me for a CT scan and bloodwork — nothing was wrong.

February: I was surprised by an article on February 4 that said that my new boss — and supervisor — was resigning from the college effective June 1. I started my job as the marketing director at the community college on February 5. I turned 24 on February 6. February was a short month.

March: My new supervisor was hired. I talked to him once on the phone. I knew that things would be interesting.

April: April began kind of slow, then the pace picked up when I had to begin planning a golf outing (I have never golfed, and I don't intend to start), a farewell party for the college President, and various commencement items. I spent way too much time at work because the former marketing director was disorganized and, apparently, did no "marketing." Also, my "assistant" was let go, and I had no help with anything — not that he did much in the entire two months I had worked there anyway. April should have been a good indicator of what was to come.

May: I participated in the aforementioned farewell party, golf outing, and commencement ceremony. Ryan graduated at said commencement ceremony. I was given time off for spending way too much time at work. I had successfully managed to grow out my hair for one full year.

June: I began to realize that my new boss was kind of, sort of, demanding.

July: I realized that my boss was actually unrealistically demanding, and I decided that I would be able to calm him down and reign him in. He made me go to a really boring "Marketing Your Community College" conference in Philadelphia with him. All in all, the trip was not that bad. The only downside to the trip was that I really didn't have anything to talk to him about, which lead to awkward, uncomfortable silences in the car. I was also given skin and blood allergy tests. The blood tests came back with me being allergic to green beans. The skin tests had me severely allergic to yeast and moderately allergic to mold and pollen. I was very upset that I was not tested for any wheat allergies.

August: I decided that as much as I wanted to donate my hair to Locks of Love, I really couldn't continue to look like crap for the one or two more years would take to grow it out. Thus began the new "sassy" hair, and I found someone that can cut my hair short without making me look like a boy. Both the hairdresser and I are sad that we did not take before and after photos.

September: I decided that my boss is way too demanding and contemplated finding alternative employment. Apparently a one week turn around time is NOT appropriate for a 5,000 copy, 2-sided, glossy print job. I thought it was perfect, my boss said it was unacceptable. My boss thought that everything should happen instantaneously. I began to not answer my phone every time my boss called and began to count how many times he called me daily. The most? 27 times in one day.

October: I submitted my resume to a local IT company on the off chance that they would want to hire me at a comparable salary. I was offered a second interview and was subsequently hired. I told my boss that I was offered another job for more money, and he pretty much gave me the blow off. I came back the next day and told him that I would be leaving the college. I knew at that moment that he thought I was bluffing. It was a great feeling. I suffered through the next two weeks, listening to whining from him, listening to him demand that I get all marketing projects completed through February, and enduring a wonderful meeting where he pretty much told the rest of my division directors that he was screwed because I was leaving. Good. Somewhere throughout all of that, Ryan was also interviewed and hired by the same company.

November: I tried (and failed) to participate in NaBloPoMo. I began my new job as a web developer, and now work with mostly men: thirteen men and three women. I would like to print a fake diploma from Google University in web development. Considering that my degree is in communication, I am completely self taught in web development. I think I am clever. (Whatever.)

December: Did anything significant happen in December? Nope.

So, that was my 2007. Nothing major, except for changing jobs way too many times. Hopefully your 2007 was good. I hope you have a happy and healthy 2008!